Day 8, 4 p.m.

Hello friends.
Sage is hanging in, but there is not much change from this morning. We are still in need of a miracle. The fact that she is still with us, fighting, fighting, fighting, might just be the first of the day. Of highest concern at this time is her elevated white blood cell count, which signifies serious infection. She has been put back on blood pressure medicine; she is also on an anti-clotting medicine. She was placed during yesterday's crisis on a different ventilator (an oscillator), which is still doing the work we need her lungs to do. Chest xray remains unchanged. A gastroenterologist came to look at her--we feel there is something, something happening in her belly that we need to get under control. Of course she is still much too precarious to move, so the images a CT scan could provide remain beyond our grasp. We have not given up hope. We will not give up hope.
Sophie wrote the following email earlier today; our reasons for sharing it with you are self evident. Blessings to all.

August 5, 2010 11:14:55 AM EDT

I am completely CLEAR that what is being called for is a miracle, and there is no doubt in my mind and heart that it is possible. I am sugar coating nothing, I know what is going on and I know the situation. And I choose to channel positivity, light, laughter, calm, compassion...  love - in a word - which is also a miracle in and of itself.

Please please pray for that miracle which I believe and feel is lurking around out there in the ether world - it's just a question of accessing it. That is what I need people to do - access the possibility of the miracle for Sage: the miracle of science, the miracle of faith, the miracle of life, the miracle of God being all around us! it is amazing that we so often ignore it, getting stuck in the smallness of our perceptions.

That is where I am at. I have walked through a very dark valley and I am clear that neither Sage nor I nor anyone else is alone. We  just have this silly belief that we are. I have had that belief myself as though it were a truth - maybe I had to go there to realize just the opposite.  We cannot know how brilliant the light is, without the darkness.

Sage has taught me so much and one of the many lessons is just that - stay connected, quit feeling sorry for yourself and GET THE JOB DONE!!!!

Two things I would like you to pass on: 

this is a verse from a book Courtney (Sage's best friend) sent up from Annapolis, I have it on the wall in here near some photos:

~~On the power of miracles~~

This world is full of miracles.

They stand in shining silence next to every dream of pain and suffering, of sin and guilt.

They are the dream's alternative, the choice of the dreamer, rather than deny the active role in making up the dream.

The other thing to please share is this:

I have been afraid and I have never been afraid before, never in all the time that Sage was in the NICU. My friend Margaret came yesterday to visit and she helped me this morning, after one of the worse night's of my life, to cross this particular rubicon. It has helped me immeasurably in these last few hours. What she said was this:

that where Sage is right now, well it's just so, so nice. It's just so so nice and it can be hard to come back when you're in such a space because it is such a lovely place to be, filled with light and so much good stuff! so it can be hard to come back. Not impossible, just a little hard. 

I feel light myself knowing that Sage is in a place of light and it's because she might just want to stay there that we continue to walk this path with her on this side. I am clear that whatever way it goes, it's gonna be alright. And I am NOT giving up!!

thank you for your love and again please pass on to all you know, so they can access the positive power. The good 'jou jou' as we say up here. It helped. It got the nurse this morning to get a line into Sage's arm so that one of the antibiotics could flow. I see THAT as a miracle. 

Wow, they are just everywhere!

xoxoxo peace and blessings, Sophie