It is hard to believe a month has passed since returning to Maryland and starting the next phase of this journey. The light still falls, softer and softer, as do the leaves, while the colors of the days just keep being beautiful.
Sage is doing well, all things being considered. She sleeps a lot, sometimes half the day, which is needed, good, understandable and one of the sure ways the body and mind heals. Since starting up a round of medical visits in the last month and being quite busy with that, there is now a bit of an ebb, thankfully.
Sage's lungs are on the mend and it is going to take time, time, time. Her lung function will improve with time, rest, healthy diet and exercise. Dr. Sloane (Sage's pulmonary doctor and the guy who knows everything about ARDS) saw Sage twice in September and said it would benefit her and her recovery to do things during the day that will fatigue her - this will help to rebuild lung and muscular strength for normal, healthy breathing - but not do things that will exhaust her. As with much in life, it is a dance and a question of balance, of knowing when to push and when to let go.
Sage is also seeing a cardiologist, Dr. Dawn Kershner, as one of the unresolved issues that presented itself after leaving the ICU and moving to the floor at DHMC was that of sinus tachycardia, or an elevated heart rate. Some would say this issue was there in the ICU, but yours truly and many others would watch those monitors ever so carefully to make sure that particular number of beats per minute was not elevated.... What is causing it is still an unknown; what can cause it can be a number of possibilities - pain, exercise, infection, fever, stress, withdrawal from medications - and at present the only thing to do is treat the symptom of it, which involves a bit of heart medicine, a beta blocker, that helps slow the rate down.
Since being on it, Sage's heart rate has gotten a bit more normal; Dr. Kershner still wants her to visit a heart specialist next month and get a cardiac MRI. That's part of what November will hold, so down we'll go to the Washington Hospital Center.
Sage had some Physical and Occupational Therapy in the last few weeks, which would probably go a bit better if it were closer to home (and later in the afternoon!), so next week will visit Anne Arundel Medical Center for an assessment and ongoing visits. Pop is taking on Sage's PT regime by getting her out to bicycle with him - Sage's current rate is four and a half miles! and next week apparently the plan is to go even further.
But the question that really wants to be asked and answered is, well how is Sage. And you would probably like her to post something here, and just know from her, how it all is, how all that was, that whole thing up there in New Hampshire. Sage will most probably post at some point in time, but for now, that time does not seem to be, right now. She is someone who knows herself remarkably well, and when she is ready, she'll know it and will have you know that she knows it, and will be happy and thankful to post.
How is she. How does one know this, how does one keep the panic of the past creep into the present and take over. How does one measure how someone really is. How are any of us?
Given where Sage was one month ago, she is doing great; as Dr. Keamy said just two days ago at a follow-up appointment, Sage looks so much better than when she first saw her. Given where Sage was two months ago, well there is no comparision.
Two months ago the world consisted of Room 12, the trach, the ventilator, the silence of her voice, nutrition, tubes, meds, monitors, getting primed to get Sage outside for the first time in two months. It was still summer and leaves were green.
The world now inhabited consists of watching the river, seeing the flowers in Gramma's garden give back their strength of color and uprightness to the earth, reading on the couch, watching movies on tv, with cousins, in the theater. Eating sushi, practicing driving skills, visiting family, friends, familiar places and new ones as well. Visiting with Aunt Hilary, Uncle Mark, cousins Peter and William after those Baltimore doctor visits. Having dinner just with cousin Andrew Michael and his awesome girlfriend Olivia. Seeing friends Jesse and Sadie from Guilford while they were home during fall break, spending time with Courtney who came back from college for a visit. Just being with not knowing where the road will go, but going out a little bit further on the road, and taking it. Such different worlds and yet all the same elements.
A visit to the National Zoo is in order today, and then a cautious venture out to Brooklyn tomorrow for a Halloween visit with Uncle Timothy, Aunt Kira and cousin Lucy. Last weekend was the first short trip outside of Annapolis, with a visit to Carolyn (Sage's 'first doctor' and pediatrician at Stanford) and husband Jeff, their two great doggies and cadres of cats, at their home in Pennsylvania. Friend Alice came out from Philadelphia and met us at Longwood, the country 'retreat' of one the DuPonts, and it was a lovely day of being with remarkable, amazing flowers and friends.
Will Sage return to school in January? At this point in time, it is uncertain; she certainly and most definitely wants to, and the next two months will tell. A lot is just not known; what will determine that readiness is, of course, up to Sage, what she feels ready for, how she is physically, what her stamina and strength enables her to do. Again that balance, of knowing when to push and when to let go and let it be.
As wise Dr. Keamy said, 'life is messy'; things happen and we go on. What happens to us often times doesn't make a whole lot of sense. We learn from it what we can, or we don't.
Time will tell. Life is indeed messy, remarkably and wonderfully so. And very much a gift.
Peace, blessings, gratitude and thanks to all of you, near and far, always and everywhere, for maintaining, keeping and staying in the circle.
Stay posted and positive.
post script: We ARE having a gathering, a celebration, a party of thanks and life.
Saturday afternoon, November 27th, in Baltimore, Maryland.
Please save the date! Details and a proper invite is forthcoming.
Anyone and everyone who was and is part of Team Sage/Miracle Channeling Team is invited, anticipated and expected....
